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Four secrets that ensure great conversations – updated

December 22, 2011

By Peter Murphy

From original  entry was posted on Friday, October 28th, 2005!

From a great resource –

Communication Skills Power Blog

Four secrets that ensure great conversations

1 Listen effectively

  • How many people do you know who truly listen to every word you say? Think about the people you enjoy being with the most. It’s true they really pay close attention to you when you have something important to say?
  • It´s a shame but very few people care enough to really listen attentively to the people in their life. They get so busy and caught up in their own problems that they are rarely completely present for anyone.
  • When you develop superior listening skills you will be head and shoulders above most other people who know better but still don´t listen.
  • Being a great listener is a sure-fire way to make new friends, to make people feel deeply appreciated and to build deep rapport grounded in mutual trust and respect.

2 Know your purpose

  • Quality communication requires you to know not only what you want to discuss but also why you want to talk about that topic. A clear and definite sense of purpose will guide you and help you to be flexible in your approach.
  • Mediocre and poor standards of communication share a lack of purpose that destroys any potential for meaningful effective communication.
  • You need a clear sense of purpose to ensure you persist and maintain flexibility when the dialogue goes off track. It is far too easy to let the conversation drift unless you hold in mind your purpose.
  • Your purpose might be to win acceptance of an idea, to get a friend to do something for you or it might be to arrange a family day out.
  • Whatever the nature of the discussion unless you know your purpose you are unlikely to achieve what you set out to get done.

3 Share your insights and opinions

  • You are a unique individual with interesting personal viewpoints and a perspective all of your own. You must have the courage to express yourself as you are to truly be effective.
  • The world does not need another clone of someone else. Sing your song or the whole world misses out on your special sound.
  • The confidence to be yourself can be developed quickly and easily with the right guidance and appropriate strategies.
  • And it is essential that you do so right away. It is far too easy to let another week, month or year slip by without any noticeable improvement in your life.
  • Decide to share more of yourself and make a point of letting others know what you think and feel. Do so with rapport and you may well find that people are very interested to hear what you have to say.

4 Make sure you have a common understanding

  • High quality communication is characterized by an ongoing dialogue that is punctuated by checks for understanding by all parties to the conversation.
  • Each person must check that everyone involved is singing off the same hymn sheet or else the potential for misunderstanding and confusion is huge.
  • The failure to check assumptions are valid and that the other people present know what you mean takes skill and constant attention to both verbal and non verbal cues.
  • In many ways a free-flowing conversation is very much like driving a car. Unless you are watching for feedback and aware of what is going on you will not be able to steer the conversation and keep it on track.

Now, bear in mind that confidence is the glue that binds these conversation tips together to ensure your success.

If you feel good about yourself, if you feel confident and at ease others assume you to be confident and at ease. They then respect you more. And all because you decided to respect yourself.

But, when you are fearful you give off different vibes and because you are avoiding people they tend to avoid you.

And this is why you must identify and let go of your conversation fear – the fear that stops you from enjoying the company of others.

Drop the fear and notice how people are much more interested in getting to know you better. Why? Because you are letting your true personality shine.


Peter Murphy’s Conversation Starter Tips HERE


More great articles here


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Its a short, straight to the point, read that shows you how to easily approach and talk to anyone by using some proven conversation skillstechniques.

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email – “yes send me invite” or

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